Ad It Up: Ode to Sky Mall

For those of you who are avid readers of The Blogulator, you may have known that I have been in Europe for the past two weeks. I would have thought that being gone for so long I'd be totally out of touch with pop culture, but actually I didn't do so bad. You'll be happy to know that both my last purchase before leaving the States and my first purchase upon landing were gossip magazines, so I'm getting myself all caught up on the Brangelina saga. And I painfully made it through Jim Carrey's more slapstick-rom-com-y second attempt at Liar Liar (also known as Yes Man) for the in-flight movie.

But perhaps my favorite part of flying is paging through all of the useless sh** they have to offer in the Sky Mall magazine. It's really quite genius if you think about it. You've got a captive audience, a little anxious and uncomfortable, with nothing better to do for hours on end than imagine up different uses for all the gadgets and gizmos you have to offer. It's brilliant! Sky Mall kind of makes me lose my faith in humanity just a little bit. Whenever I read it, I get to thinking that A) everyone has hidden cameras all over their homes and B) most people waste the majority of their money on tacky crap they're never going to use, like Harry Potter wand collections or sexually inappropriate nativity figurines.

Here are a couple of the gems I found whilst perusing the great money suck of the sky...

Feng Shui Compass

This little device uses aerospace guidance technology to help your find and calculate energy fields that assist you in your feng shui-ness. It will help you "align your physical surroundings to match your intentions." Whatever that means. I guess it will tell you if you need to sleep upside down or shower backwards or something. What was most surprising about this product though, was that every single customer reviewer gave it five out of five stars!

Electronic WatchdogIt barks, it's a siren, it's a relaxing rain forest. This speaker senses people coming and will somehow bark if it's an intruder or pleasantly chime if it's someone you want to come in. You can also set it to help you fall asleep with natural rain forest noises or set it to alternate between barking and a siren if it's someone you really don't like (which, to me, seems like a dead giveaway that the dog is not real). Go figure, the major complaint is that it is annoying when something fake barks at you whenever you move.

The NeckPro Traction Device

It looks like a reverse guillotine or something. Like you are going to lift your own head right off your body. I guess it's supposed to be some kind of neck therapy thing, but it looks pretty painful to me, and this guy is really not selling it. He does not look like someone whose pain is decreasing as a result of this product.

The Drib


And finally, we have the product that gives you full license to be an utterly embarrassing slob. With the help of this full length bib, you can hide your fast food shame by eating your lunch by yourself in the car. Because clearly you don't have the time to eat inside the restaurant but you also don't want to eat and drive at the same time. Plus, whatever falls out of that big sloppy sammy of yours will get caught in the knee pockets for safe keeping for later! Yum yum.

That's all I've got for tonight! If you want to explore the Sky Mall on your own, click here.

This entry was posted by Lady Amy, on Wednesday, September 09, 2009. You can leave your response.