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Stars: They're Nothing Like Us (The Career Edition)

Perhaps the biggest difference between "us" and "stars" is that celebrities can choose to spend most of their lives stuck in that "I can be anything I want to be and I can change my career aspirations every week if I like" phase that most of us snap out of a few years after college when our student loan debt starts to catch up with us. Then, most of us realize that it's time to focus on a "career." So we get that "real job" that mom's been bugging us about since high school graduation and we start trudging up that "corporate ladder" for the rest of our working lives.

Not celebrities, though. Oh, no. And no, I'm not going to go on another Angry Amy rant about actresses gone pop sensation, gone model, gone movie producer, etc. I'll save that for when Shenae Grimes decides she's become too big for 90210 and leaves the show to pursue her modeling/singing/whatever career, leaving the producers with nothing left to do but kill off her character (and the series, more slowly and painfully) in a totally unbelievable accident (aka - pulling a Mischa Barton). No, this time it's even more ridiculous than an actress who also thinks she can sing. This time, it involves children!


O. M. G. Hiring Ashton Kutcher to be a freshman high school football coach could either be the worst or the best idea ever. No question, this situation is destined for either greatness or complete and utter failure - but nothing in between. First, I have a very difficult time believing the school's athletics director that Ashton did not get the job because of special treatment. He's THE KUTCH! He doesn't need "friends in high places," (as the athletics director labeled the team's Head Coach), he IS the friend in high places. The school says that Ashton actually applied, was interview, the whole shebang, but they never really cite his qualifications other than being a sports fan and playing high school football 12 years ago. These are not your average requirements for school coaches. I mean, not just any has-been high school quarterback can walk into a school and ask for a job. So the conspiracy theorist in me thinks that this high school just wants some publicity. Nothing wrong with whoring your children's future out to attract the press, right?

I think that ultimately this hiring decision is going to backfire on Harvard-Westlake's team. As much as I love Ashton Kutcher, I just don't see him taking the job very seriously. If I were a successful actor, I would not enjoy the structure of the five-day work week. Granted, he probably doesn't have to put in 40 hours like the rest of us, but it sounds like he is expected to be at practice M-F for the season. That means: no vacations, no afternoon pranking, no four hour lunches with other celebrities. It's a good chunk of time.

But then again, Harvard-Westlake School just might be onto something. What better motivation for child athletes than the constant fear of getting punk'd? Personally, as a 15-year-old, I would have run a thousand laps and done a thousand drills to avoid the humiliation of getting punk'd in front of all my classmates. It's a genius strategy, really. Prey on the awkward. Being freshmen, they don't have many friends and they're not star athletes yet so they're still mold-able.

Well, whatever the outcome of the Harvard-Westlake freshmen football team's season may be, one thing is certain: Ashton Kutcher will still be able to be whatever he wants to be whenever he wants to be it. Go Team! (Pats Ashton on the butt.)

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  1. Blogger DoktorPeace | 8:38 AM |  

    I actually do think almost anyone can get a job coaching freshmen. One of our tennis coaches was a guy straight out of high school (I don't know if he went to college part-time or what) who didn't show up to practice half the time. He wasn't re-hired, but he did last the year.

  2. Blogger Brigitte | 10:42 AM |  

    i agree with the doktor--is it really that difficult to become the freshman highschool football coach? not like he's coaching varsity, and not like this is Texas, am i right? How seriously do they take freshman football? although, were he not the kutch, just some guy who hasn't played or coached in the last however many years who suddenly wants to work with the children, it might be a red flag for the school system...at least, i would hope so. very strange, lady amy--i hadn't heard anything about this.

  3. Blogger Lady Amy | 11:13 AM |  

    Yeah, they don't just let anyone walk into a school and work with kids. Usually, coaches are also teachers or they are people who have particular expertise in the topic or they know the coach. Or they're famous, like in this case.

  4. Blogger chris | 12:11 PM |  

    All they gotta do is a background check. I had to do one of those...it feels like you're getting arrested. Fingerprint ink everywhere, people that hate their jobs telling you where to stand and sit, waiting for hours on end while people mostly ignore you but give you a dirty look if you cough too much.

    But once again, I doubt Ashton had to do that.

  5. Blogger Lady Amy | 1:15 PM |  

    I guess when you live your life in the public eye, the paparazzi is your background check.

  6. Blogger Sean | 1:39 PM |  

    damn, that "career opportunities" is a kick-ass graphic.

    is this the basis of a reality show perhaps?

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