Something Smells Gamey: Fallout 3

This is gonna be a bit rushed, mostly because you (and I) should be spending our time voting for Chris's movie of the generation. He put a lot of work into that impossible-to-decipher contest, and he deserves participation. Heck, I heard he even infected his entire class with swine flu just so that he could have more time to review the movie selections and properly encapsulate their essence. If that's not something for your local news to talk about, then I don't know what is. The contest, I mean.

The real reason I'm rushing this, of course, is because I've been wasting my life away in video games. This is especially true with my recent obsession, Fallout 3 - a post-apocalyptic RPG/adventure taking place in the Capital Wasteland of Washington, DC. As I spent many of my formative years in the real-life version of this metropolis, as well as attended college in the city (those latter days being formative only insomuch as they eviscerated my identity and didn't offer threesomes), the setting pulls me in like a mother. What others may see as stale locales - rubble-laden subway tunnels, snoozy government complexes, etc. - pique my interest, if only because the places are already so real in my memories. I just started exploring the ruins of Georgetown before writing this post, and I'm excited to see what awaits in my burned-out alma mater. The student body is guaranteed to be wasted out of its mind (literally, because they've been exploded), so I'm sure the game will at least provide an accurate reflection of the school's party atmosphere. Because the parties there suck, I mean.

But enough with my windy expositions and clarifications. Allow me to instead breeze through a selection of my experiences so far, as described by my in-game achievements. For those who don't know, XBox achievements are the single-most important factor in determining how hardcore you are. I'm probably in the emocore range at the moment, which I place above crabcore but below scene.
Fallout 3's achievements are extra special because they're accompanied by some endearing and clever art featuring the game's mascot, Pip-Boy. Although the game ostensibly takes place hundreds of years from now, the fictional America thrust into nuclear winter is very much the America of the 1950s, and Pip-Boy looks as if he's stepped straight out of an ad from those saccharine days.

Stealing Independence: Pip-Boy's reading the Declaration of Independence here because I actually had to go all Nicholas Cage and steal the document from a mutant-infested National Archives. Yes, this is the second-straight post in which I've referenced National Treasure.


Blood Ties: Here he is dressed as a vampire, not because it's Halloween, but rather because I brokered a truce between a small villa on a collapsed overpass and a strange cult of human rovers accustomed to blood-sucking. This quest could've used more Kristen Stewart, I admit, but I'm sure I got an erection anyway.

The G.O.A.T. Whisperer: Pip-Boy is hanging with a goat here because I took some kind of test acronymed as G.O.A.T. to determine my character tendencies. Questions included whether or not I would kill a man if my grandman asked me to do so. I think I said no, but that's only because it's a video game. Of course I'd do it in real life.

Protector: A superhero is protecting Pip-Boy here because I've completed a certain amount of the game with good karma. This means that, even though I like to steal money from safes, hack into computers to read people's diaries, and kill baristas I don't like, I at least do the right thing most of the time; which is all you can ask for in the barren afterearth.

I have no segues or conclusions to proffer, as I'd just as well like to get back into it, if you don't mind. That is, unless you want to dissuade me from going back by offering up a threesome with Hilary Duff? No? Just thought I'd ask, seeing as how it's the end of the world and all.

This entry was posted by DoktorPeace, on Friday, November 13, 2009. You can leave your response.