Stars: They're Nothing Like Us (Tribute to Ugly Celebrity Kids)

This week, I would like to cover the very important, but seldom discussed, topic of celebrities' ugly children. One would honestly think that this should never be an issue, but despite the fact that stars are some of the most beautiful people in the world, sometimes they make some pretty ugly babies. Here's a jumping off point for the discussion -- some of the celebrity kids that I think need a little help in the cuteness department:

Nichole Richie and Joel Madden (Daughter: Harlow Winter Kate)

Yes, that is a girl. A human girl. I know it's hard to tell if that thing is of our species or if your Cabbage Patch Doll came to life. If I didn't know any better, I would have guessed that a smurf and a troll had a mutual "I'm so weird-looking" self-pity one-night-stand that due to condom malfunctions, ended in pregnancy. Then, to conceal their forbidden love, they had to give their child to the one human with a face just smooshed-enough to pass for the mother. That's if I didn't know any better...

Tori Spelling and Dean McDermott (Kids: Liam and Stella)

Neither of them are lookers, but I'm particularly interested in Liam. Stella just looks like a sad alien, but Liam is like a tiny grown-up. When you give your kid a name like Liam you are pretty much asking for it to have an old man face. Then, if you part its hair to the side, you're totally done for. You've got yourself an old man baby. Just look at him there on the left and tell me he doesn't look like a forty-year-old in a miniature body.

Pete Wentz and Ashlee Simpson (Son: Bronx Mowgli)

It's really mostly the name Bronx Mowgli that I have a problem with, but you probably knew that already. Besides the name, though, this baby looks scared to death - as he should be if he's part of the Simpson family.

Bindi Irwin -- 'nough said

Something irks me about Bindi Irwin. I'm not sure if it's the 90's haircut, the safari clothes, or the fact that's she's gotten a ridiculous amount of airtime and press to do crappy rap songs about environmental conservation after Steve Irwin's death. I grant that it is not easy to be a poorly-dressed nature-lover with a dorky penchant for bad music and still get some press coverage. Good for her, I guess.

Adam Sandler (Daughter: Sadie)

Adam Sandler is a very funny man, but no one ever said he was very attractive. And while his unique look kind of works for him, he should never pass that face on to his kids -- especially not to a girl. It could be the 80's mullet little Sadie is rockin' that bring it out, but she looks exactly like a female version of Adam Sandler as a baby. It's kind of creepy, actually. Maybe Sadie will grow up to look more like her mom, who is totally hot, BTW. If not, man...

That's all I've got for ugly celebrity kids for now. I've got to admit that a lot of this list comes down to ugly parents and ugly haircuts. Those two things alone can outdo any famous connections one might have. Feel free to share your own thoughts on who is famous with unattractive children.

This entry was posted by Lady Amy, on Wednesday, July 29, 2009. You can leave your response.