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Lost Theories From People Who Aren't Caught Up On Lost

So, by now, if you read The Blogulator with any regularity, you know that Brigitte and I have finally begun watching the, okay, unbelievably fantastic series LOST. And since the little free time that I have these days (thanks to my day job being in the midst of its busiest time and spending other time studying for the CPA exam) is devoted to catching up, I thought it would be amusing for you losties who are in the midst of season five to get my musings on where I believe things are heading. At this point, Brigitte and I are in season three, episode eight. The last episode we watched was when we learned that Desmond is, yeah, pretty much a time-traveler, a moment that definitely made my head spin in about a million directions. Needless to say, here are our top Lost theories that we've been bouncing around in our living room lately.


1. The Dharma Initiative is trying to create some kind of super race / utopian society.
Because, they're so into taking the babies and stuff, and Ben needed Jack to stick around in their camp since he's a surgeon, and they only wanted to keep Sawyer and Kate around, cuz they're both super attractive (and hilarious, like Sawyer's great random pop culture references to Little House on the Prairie, Oliver Twist, and Pippi Longstocking). That also seems to explain why Juliet the fertility doctor is there, and why they keep asking people questions and screening people and stuff.

1a. Sawyer's actually Diablo Cody.
Check these wacky pet names / references -- Oliver Twist, Munchkins, Pippin Longstocking and the Grape Ape, Freckles, Hooked on Phonics, etc. He obviously also wrote Juno.

1a(I). The entire show is actually happening on Sawyer's secret pop culture blog.
Dude's gotta be a pop culture blogger, right? In this episode alone, he's called Hurley Jumbotron and Charlie Jiminy Cricket. I think if an actor were to play me in a movie, it would be Josh Holloway. I mean, besides sharing my physique, he's got the pop culture mannerisms down pretty well.

2. Desmond is actually Jesus.

Cuz look at the dude! He looks like Jesus, calls people brother, and travels through time, all just like Jesus. Right?

3. The island exists in a place in time and space.

Okay, this is probably more influenced by the fact that we just finished watching Twin Peaks and watched Agent Dale Cooper make his way through the Black Lodge, but it also seems to make sense here, too.

4. The island is actually just Hawaii.
Oh MAN what if Damon Lindelof and Carleton Cuse punk'd us all like that?! On a side note, I cannot believe Cheech Marin is playing Hurley's dad in the episode we're watching right now. Were there really no other hispanic actors available?

4a. The island is actually New Zealand.
Cuz they seem to really hate Australia in this show, amiright?

5. Vincent the dog is actually the boss at The Dharma Initiative.
On a side note, they apparently dumped Harold Perrineau from the cast and yet kept the dog around. That must have been a blow to his career.

6. Nobody is actually "from" the island and the electromagnetic stuff from inside the hatch keeps people from being able to leave.
We already know that Juliet once lived in Miami (near her ex-husband Zeljko Ivanic! Why do attractive ladies on other TV shows keep marrying him in the first place?!) and we know that Ethan ostensibly lived in Portland. Ben's gotta be lying about having never been off the island before. And if the plane on Oceanic Airlines originally crashed because Desmond let the computer go too long without pushing the numbers...yeah, it makes sense. I got you pegged, Lindelof and Cuse!

7. It's actually purgatory.
Just kidding.

8. The numbers......
Yeah, I got nothing. I do know though that 4 + 8 + 15 + 16 + 23 + 42 = 108, which is the same number of minutes it takes before they had to be entered into the computer again. Brigitte is really stuck on this thing about babies and says that it's because "there are 108 babies." That doesn't make any sense, Brigitte. How many days are there in 9 months? (Answer -- way more than 108.) Yeah, I really got nothing. Brigitte says, "How many weeks are there in 9 months?"

9. Walt needs to come back at some point because he has some kind of special powers that the island needs, like Locke, Hurley and Desmond's powers.
And when they all get back together in the same place, they'll have some kind of island baby that is magical and stuff. Now Brigitte's mumbling something about how the island is actually a womb, and the hatch is something-something. Meanwhile, I'm still upset that Mr. Eko is dead.

10. The smoke monster...
Yep, got nothing there, either.

Chime in, losties who are way ahead. How close / way off base are we?

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  1. Anonymous Anonymous | 10:20 AM |  

    Re #2: http://www.gospelofjohnthefilm.com/

  2. Blogger qualler | 10:23 AM |  

    Whoaaaaaaaaaaaaa. That blows my mind even more than anything presented on Lost combined.

  3. Blogger Brigitte | 12:13 PM |  

    i'm still not convinced that the Others are not part of the Dharma Initiative (that was a strangely worded sentence...)

  4. Blogger Sean | 12:30 PM |  

    some ideas are right (sort of) if you are liberal with your interpretation. some stuff is way off.

    my opinion on the numbers is that they're just an awesome way to f with people that look for the numbers in every episode. "oh man, the shirt had a 4 on it! that means something." otherwise, they have no meaning in and of themselves.

    could be wrong. i usually have wine with my lost episodes and the last third of every ep is a bit hazy, you know, when they reveal things.

  5. Anonymous LQ | 6:46 AM |  

    Actually, the reason Desmond calls everyone "brother" is because everyone actually IS his brother, and he arranged for everyone to crash on the island because he wanted to plan a secret Hume Family Reunion!

    Just kidding. Though that would be funny if it were true.

  6. Blogger qualler | 8:41 AM |  

    Haha, that'd be awesome, like he leads everybody to this other even smaller island that has a whole bunch of grills set up and we find out that Desmond is actually everybody's brother. And he's like "Let's have some hot dogs, brother!" I smell some Lost fan fiction ideas!

    Oh also, Brigitte and I just watched the episode where Ben is all "Oh, hey John Locke, I have a magic box, and look what I got out of it....YOUR FATHER!!!!!!!!!!" That was awesome.

  7. Blogger chris | 1:15 PM |  

    Haha #5 is my totes fave. The episode where it's revelead would be called "Chairman of the Bark".

  8. Blogger chris | 1:15 PM |  

    This comment has been removed by the author.

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