Rob Wants You to Take the Full House vs. Vampires Quiz!
Yeah well Rob needs to go off and die a fast death so I can unfriend him without looking like a jackass. Because while I am obviously a proponent of pop culture in general, whether genuine, ironic, or post-ironic, I am so mad about this new surge of pop culture-inspired Facebook applications (and almost all Facebook applications for that matter), that I...well I'm so mad about it that I'm writing a blog post about it. That's about all I'm willing to do. I'm sure not going to quit Facebook - that would be silly. In fact, I was so against Facebook for a long time (yes, I was one of those people), that if I leave it now, I'll just get even more heckling from my friends in real life than I did on my "wall" when I finally did sign up for the blasted thing. Oh well, let's at least look at the dumbest ones I can find and mock them (and others!) thoroughly in the comments:
Addicted to Supernatural: Looking past the fact that the name of this application is an oxymoron, let's just sit and think about the fact that there are 2,560 daily active users of Addicted to Supernatural currently on Facebook. That's not how many people have added this app. That's how many people use it on a DAILY basis. Daily. As in everyday. As in, "I so need to add this quote from the ghost in this week's ep and oh hot sweet Jesus, there's the sexiest picture of Dean from Gilmore Girls who's now in this Supernatural show (I don't care enough to look up his character's actual name) on Jenny's blog, I gots to add all this to my Addicted to Supernatural app on my Facebook profile right freaking now." Also, it's for all those people who just can't find enough room in their limitless standard profile to add everything they love about Supernatural in it - they need to compartmentalize it so that it's very clear that their habitual obsession with both this CW paranormal drama and their Facebook profile is beyond reproach.Hatch a Celeb!: You know you've got a terrible Facebook application when after reading what it's called, you still have absolutely no idea what it could possibly be. Especially when after you find out what it is, you slap yourself on the forehead and realize it was exactly what you thought it would be. I can't even come up with a way to make fun of this other than just copy and paste the description from the almighty Facebook itself: "Send a mystery egg to your friends and watch it hatch over 4 days into a full-grown celebrity!" I don't want to know how it works, why it exists, or even what possible celebrities I could be the reptilian baby mama of, I just want to meet Hatch a Celeb!'s 2,076 daily active users and give them a nice hearty meal and take them in from the cold warped solitude that must be their existence.
Kylierobotics: It shouldn't be normal that I had to scroll through pages and pages of Kylie Minogue-themed Facebook applications to find the most ridiculous one. When I saw a less-weird Kylie application was one of the most popular apps, I thought "that's strange." But then I saw this: it's like one of those applications where you can turn yourself into a (non-)hilarious cartoon avatar, except you're not recreating your own likeness. You're recreating Kylie's likeness. And you can do it in infinite ways. You can pick from a multitude of preselected options based on all her (non-)famous fashions and personas over the years, or you can design your own Kylie. And by Kylie, I mean of course a stubby 3rd-rate Toad from Mario Bros.-type version of Kylie Minogue. Did I just refer to her by her first name only like three times in one paragraph? Someone injuriously scratch me with a jagged herpes-soaked nail next time they see me. At least this app only has 114 daily active users. Wait, that still makes my insides hurt.There are countless countless more that I could research and then complain about for hours on end, but I do enjoy this thing called sleeping. So here we go bed, take me to a dreamland where a man can quit Facebook without incurring serious social repercussions.
P.S. Sick of the whining? Embrace the goodness of music in the continuation of my countdown of the best songs of 2007 here.
Labels: celebrities, chris, music, TV
This entry was posted by chris, on
Thursday, January 31, 2008.
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I am so glad I left facebook when I did. So glad, even, that I'm going to demonstrate with math.
Life + Facebook < Life - Facebook
I also hate facebook "gifts," vampire bites, hotness ratings, and people who use facebook like an email account.
Just email me damn it!
Facebook is good for sharing pictures and for knowing what acquaintances are up to without actually needing to talk to them (because sometimes you don't want to randomly call someone and say "So, how's life been for the past year?")
It's not so good for email, for making "friends," or for sharing important information about your relationships.
Facebook is the only form of communication as far as I am concerned.
-Sean
(((MESSAGE SENT FROM FACEBLOG v 1.2:: READ YOUR FAVORITE BLOGS IN FACEBOOK!!!)))
FACEBOOK IS THE MOST BALLING THING EVA! Ok, I think some of the things you and others have mentioned are annoying, but the pictures and the birthday reminders and being able to contact people that I would otherwise have no idea how to contact are great.
P.S. Dan Metz and I used to be addicted to Supernatural. That show was hot.
let's face it: facebook lets us find out who got fat. or, who now has a baby. or other general things about people who we don't really care to be friends with but we'd still like to compare their own lives to ours. cause we're all stalkers and weirdos with low self esteem. i mean...not that i use it for those things...eeeee (pulls collar)
on the other hand, facebook is a good way to keep in touch with people whom i actually do want to stay friends with but who live far away and i dont' get to see often..and i can use the facebook to look up their email addresses and then send them emails.
also, sharing pictures is good. and keeping track of other people's relationship status.
Oh, I totally agree that facebook is good for things like finding out if guys I like have girlfriends and if their girlfriends are hotter than me, but I just don't want to spend all day on it vampire chomping people.
(Gets visual of Vampire Amy stalking the girlfriends of boys she likes, puncturing their necks with one fell swoop in the night).
I also really enjoy seeing pictures that people take at gatherings, weddings, etc. and I even admittedly like seeing when someone has a new favorite band or movie, but you're just becoming a sad sack of a human when you don't live by the simple respectful motto:
Friends don't ask friends to take a quiz about which TV character they might be.
I agree with Amy...checking up on guys with facebook is so useful, and much more cost-effective than hiring a personal detective or staking out his house. I also love how it reminds me about upcoming events! It's like it's looking out for me:)
But, I set my preferences to high privacy after I started getting random friend requests from men in other countries (who would then pester me with emails). Because, see above, it's not a tool for meeting "people."
CHOMP!!!
uuuhhhh, ben's math is interesting
Life + Facebook < Life - Facebook
Simplifies to:
Life - Life < -Facebook - Facebook
Simplifies to:
0 < -2*Facebook
Simplifies to:
0/-2 < Facebook
What does this mean?
Well, 0/-2 is undefined, which tells us that Facebook is greater than undefined.
What that means, I'll leave up to you kind folks... I just thought that should be worth mentioning
Paal just blew my mind wide open.
0/-2 is just 0.
-2/0 is undefined..
also, i think there's some weird way to move stuff over a less-than/greater-than sign.
either way, math has no bearing on my life outside of high school, so just stop it.
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If I might add, we can also show that:
given that "L+f < L-f",
(L+f)(L-f) < (L-f)^2
L^2 - f^2 < L^2 -2Lf + f^2
-f^2 < -2Lf + f^2
0 < -2Lf + 2f^2
0 < f^2 - Lf
0 < f(f-L)
0 < f-L
so L < f
and therefore facebook is greater than real life!
also if "L+f < L-f"
f < -f
2f < 0
f < 0
so we cn conclude that facebook is worth less than zero, but real life is more worthless still!
Sorry... :)
Ashm, unfortunately there's a problem in your logic. As you proved, f < 0. Therefore, in the second to last step in your first conclusion, you divide both sides by f. When doing this you must reverse the sign, as f is a negative number. So L > f.
I guess I can't disagree. I would probably choose my life over facebook, although it would be a tough choice.
I thought that too for a moment, but I realised that f is symbolic - when dividing or multiplying through by a negative number (-2, say) you'd have to switch the inequality, but since f is just a symbol in the algebra at this point, it can have either sign and the answer will "come out in the wash" so to speak.
I was initially trying to prove that L > f, though. I was disappointed. OF course we can presumably take solace in the fact that f < L would imply L+f > L-f! Apparently we can't have it both ways! Enough now, I'm all geeked out...
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