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Top 10 of the Top 40 in 2010

As has recently become a tradition, instead of trying to sacrifice half of our deeply personal top albums list for brilliantly vacuous pop songs with horrendous album counterparts is just silly, so we decided to just immortalize those individual one-of-a-kind songs with their own list. I like to think of it as a reflective companion piece to my monthly trek through the dreck of mainstream radio, Today's Top 40 Spectrum, but with help in compiling this cumulative breakdown of the year's big populist jams from Qualler and OHD, I feel it's slowly but surely becoming a staple of the year-end Blogulator brouhaha, and that makes me happy. So without further ado, here are your Top 10 of the Top 40 in 2010, written by yours truly except where notated otherwise.


10. "Haven't Met You Yet" by Michael Buble - (OHD) Three words: Hamm and Bubbly. That's how I first heard this song (in its, obviously altered, SNL parody version in which an increasingly domineering and aggressive Jon Hamm bullies Michael Buble into pimping their "restaurant that specializes in pork dishes and fine champagne"), and then I NEVER STOPPED HEARING IT AGAIN. It was either playing in the car (this happened a lot on my not-infrequent jaunts to Long Island), in the bar, in any and every store I ever stepped foot into, or in my own goddamned headphones because I am a sucker for a catchy romantic ditty. I try too hard not to think about who sings the song because Michael Buble tarnished himself forever in my eyes when he cheated on the ridiculously lovely Emily Blunt, but she wins because she married Jim from The Office. This is getting off-topic, but basically, if you discount the fact that the guy who sings (and wrote?) this song is a two-timing whore, and that the video is very stupid (but do we watch music videos anymore?), it's the most romantic song that ever was, at least from the perspective of a Ms. Lonelyhearts type. He's still out there ladies! Just go grocery shopping and you'll find him! And pick up some cat food while you're at it!


9. "Forget You" by Cee-Lo Green - I kind of wish I could with no reservations include the originally intended version of this single ("Fuck You") but at the same time, if you know this song, you probably know what's really implied by the titular refrain "Forget You." So it's actually quite amazing that someone came along and didn't swear on the radio but still got across over and over again that they actually are really saying the most immortal cuss phrase of all time. Also, this has nothing to do with the song, but Cee-Lo's daughter's episode of My Super Sweet 16 is probably the best episode of any teenage-centric MTV reality show because even she still basically gets her way and has a lavish ridiculous party at the end, Cee-Lo actually kind of parents her and shuts her in her room, makes her do chores, and threatens to cancel her birthday helicopter. "Forget the copter!" he probably said without swearing at his own offspring.


8. "Young Forever" by Jay-Z & Mr. Hudson - (Qualler) Mr. Carter has been artistically slumming it since "The Black Album", and his 3rd installment of "The Blueprint" was overall fitting into that pattern. (His rumored album collaboration with Kanye, based on his somewhat revitalized verses on Kanye's newest record could indicate the awakening of the sleeping giant known as Mr. Beyonce.) But "Young Forever" hooked us inevitably by doing something that's actually a pretty cheap trick that still works really well: taking one song, preferably from the 80s, that we remember fondly, and changing it slightly to make it a new song. Thus, "Forever Young" becomes "Young Forever". Mr. Hudson delivers the vocals, assumingly because the sample from the original Alphaville song cost too much, but he provides some added gravitas to the tune.


7. "Telephone" by Lady Gaga & Beyonce - Everyone should know that I am not the biggest [obligatory meat suit joke] fan in the world. In fact, many would even call me a detractor of "the world's new Madonna" or whatever they maybe will still be calling her a year from now. But the truth is, this is her best song, and so much of it honestly has to do with its vim and vigor, at least partially provided by a true diva (vanilla, yes, but the closest thing we have to a classic diva nowadays all the same) in Beyonce's blistering verse. Arguably, with Gaga's intense (faux?-)absurdism, Mrs. Jay-Z is allowed to shine even more than she does by herself or than she even ever did in Destiny's Child. It's bold, it's simple, and it's exactly what Gaga needs to keep doing if she wants to remain in the public consciousness for years to come.


6. "Airplanes" by B.O.B. & Hayley Williams - (Qualler) Sure, B.o.B. delivers every rap verse exactly the same in every song ("da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da, da. da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da, da.") And thanks to the commercial for "Charlie St. Cloud", this song nearly got ruined (not the song's fault, obvs, mostly just Zac Efron's fault.) And sure, DoktorPeace may be hanging on every word on the are-they-or-aren't-they news about Hayley Williams' Paramore possibly breaking up or possibly not breaking up. Throw out all that hype and you get what turns out to be one of the most heartfelt songs of the year. I definitely won't look at airplanes in the night sky the same ever again.


5. "Bedrock" by Young Money - The thing I like about "Bedrock" the most is that Lil' Wayne's verse comes first so that once it's over you can concentrate on all the non-ugly voices and actually clever (rather than ball-bustingly original gems like "I hate to see her go but I love to watch her leave") rhymes throughout, from Drake's quasi-drunken wasabi metaphor to Tyga's discussion of habitual post-coital television preferences. And of course it's all held together so loosely by a Flintstones pun refrain sung by the token guy who can actually sing, Lloyd. It's so lazily assembled you could literally see the hazy studio session that kind of accidentally led to some semblance of a series of verses and a repeated chorus over a redundant beat. But it's all so amiable and infectiously smile-inducing that you can't help but just lay back in your mental lawn chair and sing along, and if you're ambitious, rapping along with every fourth phrase or so.


4. "Bulletproof" by La Roux - (OHD) Fun story: My friends once had a 4th of July party (4/4/2010 to be exact) and one of our other friends stormed up five flights of stairs to the roof, threw a milk gallon jug full of alcoholic basil lemonade (off topic: delicious) into the ice bucket, and promptly plugged his iPod into the speakers and put the La Roux album on repeat. I was drunk when this happened, so I didn't, and still don't, remember or recognize any of the band's other songs, but I think we heard "Bulletproof" like five times? And each time, I thought, in a state of ever increasing intoxication, "This is the JAM of ALL JAMS!" I mean, what is more awesome than a chick declaring once and for all to the guy that made her cry that SHE IS NOT TAKING IT ANYMORE AND ALSO NEVER AGAIN! This is the song for the girl who is basically NOBODY'S FOOL. Also, it's like crack when it comes to re-listen-ability, and I suspect (I cannot speak to this personally since I do not belong to a gym), awesome to work out to. But put that sucker on repeat to do your laundry or whatever, you will get shit DONE.


3. "In My Head" by Jason DeRulo - (OHD) What is there to say about this song, really? I mean, it's an R&B/hip-hop (I don't know music genres all that well?) song, so while it's innocuous enough upon first or second listen, basically it's about screwing. You knew that. But it's so damn catchy! Who is Jason DeRulo? I don't know! But I feel like I really love his music even though it is all about screwing! Foiled again. [Editor's Note: There's really nothing else to say here about this song. It embodies the "Why do I like this? Who cares?!" feeling that so much pop music inspires.]


2. "California Gurls" by Katy Perry & Snoop Dogg - (Qualler) While members of The Blogulator raged over whether "Oh-whoa-oh-oh" was a more memorable pop song moment than the "808 drum" breakdown of the #1 song (spoiler alert!) (author's note: the lady with the $ in her name gets the very slight edge), it was undeniable that "California Gurls", it of the inappropriate use of whipped cream in the video, was one of the crank-it-in-your-car-like-you-don't-care jams of 2010. Snoop Dogg, who made guest appearances in pretty much every song ever this year (also guesting on the almost-making-the-non-semi-ironic-music-list album by Curren$y (the other artist with a $ in his name this year and the Blogulator Album of the Year by Robyn!) turns in an actually sorta lackluster guest verse that doesn't really make any sense in the context of this song. But by gum, if Katy Perry didn't just turn around her whole musical career starting with "Hot & Cold" and peaking at this song. It started going downhill a bit with the second single "Teenage Dream" and then took a big tumble with the horrible ballad "Firework". But Katy, we can always say we had you in Summer 2K10.


1. "Your Love Is My Drug" by Ke$ha - My wedding. This August. Fist pumps in the air. Sweat rolling down our backs. A mass dance choreographed by The Blogulator's very own Brigitte that involved mock heroin injections. This is the sound of the world coming together as one and saying yes, we're addicted. Yes, we want more. Yes, these are our last moments on Earth. Now who's going to stop talking and start partying? We are, mothereffers. We are.

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