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Kids Today: Pretty Little Liars...

...or as Chris has re-dubbed this program, Skinny Little Bitches.

I really, REALLY want this show to be enjoyable. Alas...it is not. I know, I know. I should just stop watching it. I can hear you screaming at me through the computer, faithful readers. "There are plenty of GOOD programs you can watch instead! You could go out for a walk, or take up knitting! Volunteer! Start smoking! Just STOP WASTING MORE HOURS OF YOUR LIFE ON THIS GARBAGE!!!"

Silly readers. If I didn't watch it each week and report back to you, then who would? And before you answer with "plenty of other TV bloggers," be quiet and listen to my recap.

In last week's episode we learned that the blind girl, Jenna, is the one sending the texts. Or so we believe! We also learned that Jenna knew many of Alison's secrets, and that Jenna was blinded by Alison and the girls, accidentally, when the girls threw a stink bomb into a garage, trying to get back at a boy who was spying on them, but of course Alison was in there instead and for some reason stink bombs make you go blind. And that takes care of that mystery!

In this week's episode...very little happened. But somehow the show tricks you into thinking that stuff is happening. It's kind of like The Hills in that sense. We did learn that the cop is dating Hannah's mom because he wants to stay close to the girls because he is investigating Alison's death. I think that's pretty standard police work. He keeps harassing Hannah, picking at her insecurities by bringing up how she used to be fat, which again, I'm pretty sure is just your standard investigation procedure.

Now, I have a confession to make. I had planned to watch the entire episode of PLL, but when I carried my laptop into the bedroom on a commercial break, I saw that the episode of Frasier when Frasier tries to direct a radio drama and he ends up driving everyone crazy and he has to play most of the parts himself was one, and well...I love that episode, and I wasn't really that in to PLL...so I abandoned it. But I plan to give it another show this weekend, maybe...if nothing else is on...and I'm not busy learning to knit or chain smoke.

ABC's other summer series, Huge, begins on Monday, so look forward to a full report next week. In fact, maybe it'll be so good (or so terrible) that it'll replace my PLL recaps. Huge is about a group of kids at a fat camp. I'm guessing it's called Huge because they're all fat, but who knows, maybe there will be a delightful double meaning in there somewhere! Of course the series stars Nikki Blonsky. Let's not even start the conversation about why she shouldn't be playing a teenager any longer, or why it's more than a little bit offensive that she's one of maybe two (though I'm drawing a blank on a second one) plus-sized actresses working these days, and of course because she is plus-sized she can only act in roles in which her character is constantly dealing with being a plus-sized woman...because...argggggg!

I'll continue this rant next week. Unless of course Huge turns out to be a refreshing, tender, good-humored look at the struggles and pressures facing today's youth without sensationalizing...what was I saying? Oh yeah, tune in next week when I talk about the fatties!

(Editor's note: Now that Dish Network has dropped ABC Family from its HD lineup, this editor is even less likely to check out the newest ABC Family programs with Brigitte than usual. For shame, Dish Network. For shame.)

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  1. Blogger chris | 12:11 PM |  

    I received an email that was just a list of comments about this week's ep of PLL and signed at the bottom as "Male ABC Family Viewer Over Age 25":

    - Judging by the date typed on The 40-Year-Old-Looking One's Russian Lit (that's a high school class?) paper, this show is set in the future. Sure it's only three months in the future but still. Futuristic.

    - I completely believe that The 40-Year-Old-Looking One's sister who currently hates her would leave her laptop logged in next to Spencer and keep (on her desktop no less) her Russian Lit paper from 6 years ago on its hard drive.

    - Continuing the literary prowess theme that the show exudes so naturally, it was fun to watch Rob Lowe's brother talk about Harper Lee's "father worship" in front of his daughter who hates him.

    - Congrats to the skinnies! The Dark-Haired 12-Year-Old-Looking One ate a muffin AND asked for another! I think that's the first time I've seen someone actually eat something, though I think her plate was just the muffin torn to pieces and not actually eaten. Oh and her mom said they'd have to share the muffin.

    - Seriously, these chix avoid food like it's the plague and it just makes me HONGRY. Ding! My popcorn shrimp is ready in the oven! I can hear those skinny little biotches calling me fatty already...

    - I love the new Boo Radley-esque character (did they do this on purpose? if they did, it's mildly clever) aka blind Jenna's stepbrother with the sunken eyes. He's so stoic and silent!

    - What? A photobooth at a random high school party? I've looked into getting one of these for a WEDDING and I still can't afford it. Who is this guy throwing the party? Richie Rich?

    - I'm surprised they had Mr. Teeth try to rape The Persian One so quickly. But it was so awesome seeing Boo Radley Jr. pop up out of nowhere and smash his face.

    - The flashbacks for The Blond Klepto were astounding. That fat suit was worn EFFORTLESSLY. And you see how she talked quieter and with her head down? That's how we know she used to not be cool.

    - I was actually surprised when The Dark-Haired 12-Year-Old-Looking One showed up at the Pedo-Teacher's apartment and he actually looked like a Pedo-Teacher, with his oversized button-down shirt untucked, bedhead side-parted hair, and greasy/unshaven face answering the door. But of course all credibility was quickly lost when he held her close and caressed her hair like he didn't stank "like a marching band nerd with Funyun breath" as Mr. Teeth so cleverly quipped right before he started getting himself some forced locker room luvin' earlier in the ep.

    - That product placement for the Kin Facebook-centric phone was so Truman Show it hurt. Good thing it was expertly masked by having one of the girls say "but if she's not answering her phone, why would she respond to you writing on her wall?" and having the Eff-Booker respond "hey! anything's worth a shot!"

    - Overall, this ep was watched to decide whether or not I'd keep watching (based on last week's nothing-happened-ness), and you best believe I am now a PLL/SLB fanatic (until it starts sucking again).

  2. Blogger qualler | 10:34 PM |  

    I'm glad you guys (I mean, Brigitte and that random emailer) will watch PLG and other random garbage so I don't have to!

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